What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 04:05
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What is the most interesting question you can ask to get to know someone?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why do women consider 80% of men as unattractive?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I could never make a relationship work though!
Is there a band whose members have been present for every one of their concerts?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
How good do you sing and how do you know this?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I have no regrets .
Can you recommend a simple song with an awesome solo? What makes the solo stand out?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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I think the readers, may guess!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What is your opinion on the band Nickelback? Why do they receive criticism from some people?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?
Comes on , in middle age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She wouldn,t have been !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
If a cat is feminine in German, what article do you give to a male cat?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She found it foreign!.
What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But, we were locked up after school.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We all went to grammer schools
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She loved him until the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What did i know ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were not on the streets..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Ive learnt so much.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I said to her
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was seconnd youngest,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My life is so biszare .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So whats the point in blame.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was 9 years of age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
She married twice! .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was scared of men, in general
I write beautiful poetry .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was very sick at this time too.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When she asked me how she looked .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Would this be the day?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Who then, do I blame.?
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot live in the past .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
My family never makes their pension either.
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was in good health!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it wasn’t much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So, i spoilt her more .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..